Mistress Gingers Vegan Guilty Pleasures
Even a pristine level-seven vegan can indulge in those guilty pleasures of yesteryear.
All of my many lovers (who aren’t vegan) think I’m oh-so-disciplined, that I eat only tree bark for breakfast and beet shrapnel for lunch, and that dinner consists of freshly chilled ice cubes with a spritz of lemon. Being the vegan goddess that I am, I do have a pristine plant-based diet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to indulge occasionally in what might be considered junk food. In fact, I like to give into temptation every now and then because, as my dear friend Mae West once said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” And so here I go, revealing all my dirty secrets—my guilty vegan pleasures!
1. Nutter Butter
Every now and then, I visit the local hardware store (partly because I have a major crush on Chad, the checkout guy). Near the counter where I tend to loiter is an array of snacks, and I always manage to snag a mini-pack of Nutter Butter. They’re delicious, and Chad agrees. So, if you do find yourself at your local hardware store, be sure to grab some of the Nutter Butter. But, hands off of Chad! He’s one guilty pleasure that’s all mine.
When I’m filling up my gas tank at the Pump-n-Munch, how can I possibly resist the miniature pack of Oreo cookies? They are perhaps the classic vegan junk food and a timeless treat. Though old school, they never get old to me! And for an especially devilish indulgence, I whip them up with some vanilla So Delicious nondairy ice cream. Did somebody say “vegan Blizzard?” Forget Dairy Queen—I’ll be your Non-Dairy Queen!
3. Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts
Aaaaannnndddd when I’m at the local video store (yes, my neighborhood still has an actual brick-and-mortar DVD-rental place), they’ve got that rack of treats with the microwave popcorn, but my eyes go to the two-pack of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. Sure, I feel a little self-conscious when I plop them on the counter along with every film ever made featuring vegan heartthrob Joaquin Phoenix, but I don’t care. As long as I don’t burn the Pop-Tarts, it’s all good.
4. Kettle-cooked potato chips
Whenever I find these salty morsels at, well, anywhere, I make sure to grab a bag because the extra crunch of the kettle-cooker puts them in a naughty bracket all their own. So as not to seem totally brutish, I serve them in my grandmother’s Blue Willow China. And—because presentation is everything, dearie—even when you’re gorging on chips and binging on Netflix.
5. Fudge-covered graham squares
When I’m shopping for new panties at Dollar Tree, I can’t help but skip-to-my-lou over to their food aisle, which is surprisingly sprawling, wouldn’t you say? Although I find it mildly disturbing to shop for food at a dollar store, that doesn’t stop me from indulging in fudge-covered graham cookies that are reminiscent of something made by the Keebler elves themselves—but all vegan, oh-so-heavenly, and only one dollar!
6. Graham Crackers
Speaking of graham-cracker goodness, I need to talk to you about basic graham crackers and where you can find the vegan ones. Really, it ain’t so easy to find them made without honey, especially if you’re searching at the frou-frou natural food stores. That’s when you hitch a ride down to the big ol’ supermarket to get yourself a box of the original Nabisco grahams. These are good for making a vegan graham cracker pie crust, but they’re also totally munchable straight out of the box.
7. Tater tots
While you’re at the supermarket, be sure to prance on over to the frozen food section, where the Ore-Ida Tater Tots are calling, and you’ve got to answer that call. Grab a bag, run home, and pop them in the oven (but be sure to pay for them first). Serve them with a heap of ketchup, and then savor this nostalgic throwback to the best of the elementary school cafeteria, or to that time you were entertaining sailors at the VFW. Or was that just me?
When she’s not indulging in guilty pleasures, Mistress Ginger can be found singing on the cabaret stage and whipping up new recipes for one or more of her many lovers.
The Ultimate Guide to Vegan Camping
From smores and hiking boots to cruelty-free sunscreen, our vegan camping guide readies you for an adventure into the wilderness.
Read More »
Vegan Weddings 2017 (Monica Pandian & Praveen Raj)
A chance encounter at a vegan meetup led to this 800-guest eco-friendly Hindu celebration.
Read More »
5 Ways Roosters Help Me Stay Sober
Waking up early is just one way my roosters keep me vegan and away from alcohol.
Read More »
7 Facebook Groups You Need to Join if You're a New Vegan
Whether you're trying to find the best vegan ice cream or need advice on how to handle your "but bacon" friends, these Facebook groups can help you find your plant-based way.
Read More »
9 Questions with Vegan Pro Wrestler Zack Sabre, Jr
Going plant-based has proven the 29-year-old wrestler is no jabroni.
Read More »
- 7 Steps to Getting Over Vegan Heartbreak
- Vegan Weddings 2017 (Emily Brobeck & Pierre Wooldridge)
- A Vegan Guide to Eugene, Oregon
- Q&A with Celebrity Chef Matthew Kenney
- Vegan Weddings 2017 (Jackie Johnson & Adam McCabe)
- Top 10 Vegan Cities in America: Detroit
- Vegan Wedding Resources 2017
- 6 Quotes to Celebrate Pamela Andersons Birthday
- 5 Zero-Waste Tips for Vegans
- 10 Vegan Things This Lesbian is Wearing to San Francisco Pride
- 6 Things You Didnt Know About Vegan Chef Jason Wrobel
- 15 Vegan Ways to Celebrate LGBTQ Pride
- 5 Animal Rescues Adopting Vegan Food Policies
- 9 Fourth of July Vegan Finds on Etsy
- 7 Vegan Memes That Pretty Much Say It All
- The Anti-Unicorn Vegan Goth Trend is Finally Here
- The Best of Eat Drink Vegan
- 8 Outrageous Vegan Scoops at Ice Cream Shops Nationwide
- 9 Essentials for the Ultimate Fourth of July
- 10 Vegan Ways to Celebrate 4th of July