6 Ways to Woo a Vegan Girl Online
Looking to go from profile to dinner and a movie? Here are six tips to up your dating game.
Back in the ‘90s, if you wanted to be someone’s lover, you had to get with her friends. But thanks to the internet, you can forget a girl’s friends because it’s all about her ethics. And because online dating is now the main method for singles to mingle, it’s important to know how to talk to a vegan girl in a way that she’ll want to respond. Because, let’s face it, the internet is a sea with more fish than the climate-changed ocean can currently sustain, and if you’re looking for that compassionate vegan gem who moonlights as a vegetable-cooking goddess, you’re definitely not piquing her interest with pictures of your big tuna catch from last summer or unnecessary profile references to bacon.
I’ve been swimming in the sea of online dating for five years and through my research, I’ve found these six surefire tips to woo the vegan girl of your dreams.
Tip #1: Consider your relationship with bacon
If given the opportunity to name only six things you can’t do without—stuff like air and water—does bacon really deserve that precious real estate on your dating profile? Or is it there because of some assumed manliness you think you convey by making your bacon club membership public? Well, here’s a now-officially documented secret: processed meat causes cancer, and your choice to beat up your body with bacon is far from sexy.
Tip #2: Don’t be “vegetarian, mostly”
In your personal details, listing your diet as vegetarian gets you 10 cool points more than anybody else we’re messaging (except for vegans, who get 10+infinity). We will read your profile from top to bottom, all the minutia about your favorite books listed in order of page count, the one-hit wonder bands nobody ever cared about, and how you love to travel to obscure places in search of enlightenment or tacos or whatever. But do not let us find the word “sushi” anywhere because fish is meat. Period.
Tip #3: Delete all fishing pics
Aside from your machismo uncle, you’re impressing no one with that fish carcass you’re holding so proudly in your profile picture. We don’t care how big it is, and we don’t care that you fought with it (rather, it fought for its life with you) for an hour before reeling it in. Instead, put up a picture of you massaging kale if you really want to get our juices flowing.
Tip #4: Don’t ask if she cheats
Genuine interest in veganism is really nice. Ask about what cuisines your dream veg girl likes or which are her favorite local restaurants and bars. Even getting into deeper issues such as why honey isn’t vegan or what in the world is nutritional yeast—why does it have to sound so gross?—are the makings of a great conversation. But if you ever pose the “when you’re drunk, do you cheat on your diet?” question, expect to be refreshing that inbox from now until forever.
Tip #5: Don’t ask her to an aquarium
If you’ve gotten to a fifth message, and it’s time to take the conversation into the real world, do not think that we love the aquarium because we love animals. We’re the kind of animal-lovers that don’t like to see them confined and exploited for entertainment. Have you seen Blackfish? SeaWorld's a no-go no matter what. The same goes for the zoos. Frankly, if they’re in a tank/cage/box, we’re not into it.
Tip #6: Be direct
Assuming we’re averse to having a serious conversation is a big fallacy—we watch videos of animal slaughter, remember? We’ve made the choice to be vegan because we have strong convictions, and the best conversation involves challenging topics regarding our broken food systems, our dying environment, and the politics around consumerism. That said, where we get our protein? You can check that conversation at the door.
10 Reasons New Vegan Documentary The Game Changers Will Literally Change Every Game
One part What the Health and 10 parts of the most inspiring fitness routine you've ever seen, this new film—executively produced by James Cameron—will have you sweating in your seat.
Read More »
25 Accidentally Vegan Snacks You Can Find at Virtually Any Convenience Store
Forget the quinoa, and pass the Sour Patch Kids.
Read More »
14 Ways to Step Up Your Vegan Popcorn Game
Whether you prefer savory or sweet, weve got something for everyone on this list of snack-worthy recipes to celebrate National Popcorn Day.
Read More »
In 2018, Being Vegan Also Means Being a Recycler
Recycling saves the planet (and its inhabitants) and is great for tight budgets.
Read More »
Well, That Was Quick. 7 Ways Were Breaking Our 2018 Resolutions with the New Vegan Ben & Jerrys Flavors
The debut of the new flavors from this iconic ice cream brand have us dreaming of all the ways we plan on eating them.
Read More »
- How a Vegan Celebrity Chef Became One of Biggest Influencers in Atlanta
- 4 Vegan Athletes Who Think You Need to Join the #PlantMilkChallenge
- From 6 Months to Live to a New Lease On Life: Veganism Saved Her Life
- If Your Baby Could Talk, They Would Tell You They Really Want Vegan Diaper Ointments
- If Going Vegan is Your Resolution This Year, Read This
- 2018 is the Year of the Vegan Wine and Cheese Pairings
- How a Vegan Restaurateur Balances Work and a Hunter Husband
- You Are Only 6 Steps Away from Your Best Vegan Year Ever
- Everything You Need to Know About Milk Substitutes
- Brooklyn Borough President Eric Adams' Enforced Policy Literally Saved His Life
- Frick 2017! Heres What VegNews Editors Plan to Do in 2018 …
- Want to Lower Your Blood Pressure? Go Vegan!
- Are Your Sweeteners as Vegan and Ethical as You Are?
- Is So-Called Clean Meat Vegan? Paul Shapiro Has the Answer
- The VegNews Vegan Starter Kit
- The 12 Best Vegan Desserts of All Time at Trader Joes
- Winter Doesnt Stand a Chance Thanks to These 5 Vegan Skin Products
- Why Jackie Day Should Be Your New Vegan BFF
- 9 Vegan Startups You Need to Know About in 2018
- 2018 is the Year Your Skin Goes Vegan, Too