Woody Harrelson's Adult Vegan Brownies

Long time vegan/raw foodist/medicinal herb enthusiast Woody Harrelson recently (and famously) quipped that he doesn’t care to discuss his diet—preferring to allow his sweaty, taut physique speak for itself. Despite his lack of dietary description, the actor, currently appearing in mega-blockbuster The Hunger Games, has also been noted for his consumption of, well, various substances. (The kind of consumption that can lead to late-night bongo playing, or making a film like Surfer, Dude, if you catch our drift.) Though he usually keeps his kitchen off limits to the prying eyes of the press, the natural-born baker was kind enough to share his all-time favorite recipe with VegNews.

Woody Harrelson’s Adult Brownies
Infused with a subtle, earthy flavor, these transcendent brownies will have you mumbling indecent proposals and coming back for more. And more. And more.

Serves 4 to 8, depending on time of day

What You Need:

3/4 cup cacao powder (or substitute 3/4 cup bazooka, for not-fully raw version)
3 tablespoons ground chia seeds
1/2 cup hemp oil, infused with "Haymitch’s Herb" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
1 cup quinoa flour
Goji berries, as many as you like
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

What You Do:

1. Remove shirt. Let the air infuse your skin with wellness.
2. Find a bowl. Light it up. Inhale—don’t go all fellow vegan Clinton on us now—exhale, enjoy!
3. Find a mixing bowl. Put all brownie ingredients in there, and swirl them around. Isn’t it weird that when you mix them together, you can’t just swirl the other way and un-mix them?*
4. Swirls are really pretty. Girls are really pretty. Oh yeah, have to fix that broken yoga swing.
   
5. Sample dough; make sure it’s good enough to make white men jump. Add more herb.
6. Get an earthen plate—preferably one you’ve formed with your own hands—and put brownies on it. They need to dry out, so go for a run. Keeps the bod tight, and helps make sure that you survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Since, you know, that whole pretending to be zombie Bill Murray idea is already taken.
7. Call friend with benefit Matthew McConaughigh. He gets so mad when you make brownies without him.
8. Once the dough has dried out ... wait, what are we making?
   
9. Search for a brown paper bag of homemade kale chips.
   

* Yeah, I read plays. You can’t beat Tom Stoppard.