Featurettes

The Ultimate Doomsday To-Do List

You never know exactly what the future holds, so we might as well get to doing fantastic stuff while the getting’s good.

Whether you fall on the “December 21 will be the end of us, just as the Mayan calendar predicted,” end of the spectrum or you’re in noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson’s camp (the one that’s based in science and assures us that the world is set to keep on spinning), it’s impossible to avoid mention of the prediction that the world will come to its end this month. Is the apocalypse a laughing matter? No. Does it seem likely to actually happen? Also no. Does it, however, provide an excellent impetus for writing up a Doomsday To-Do list, an itinerary of completely fun activities that you should probably do anyway? Why, yes! Let’s fun things up, while we still can!

  1. Find a new hero, and emulate his or her accomplishments. Let’s just say that Mayor Cory Booker has set the bar pretty danged high in terms of being an awesome human, and most of us in the VN office are obsessed with his do-goodery.
  2. Get yourself a tub of Celeste’s Best cookie dough. What happens after it’s open is up you.
  3. Donate more money than you normally would to your favorite animal organization. If the world ends, you won’t need the cash anyway, and if it doesn’t you can start off the New Year having done something great!
  4. If you are a lady, have a lady day. For me, this means going to the Korean spa and paying intensely muscular women to scrub the living daylights out of my skin, after sitting in a piping hot steam room for hours. Maybe it means something different to you (but really, this is one of the most amazing uses your time could possibly have).
  5. Re-read all of Calvin and Hobbes. All of it. Every panel. Pretty much everything that’s good about humanity, imagination, and philosophy (not to mention comics) are in those pages.
  6. Adopt a companion animal. Do you really want to spend your last days on the planet not cuddling an amazing dog? Really?
  7. Host a really rocking dinner party. According to The New York Times, the art of the dinner party is going the way of the dodo. Before we all become extinct, let’s dress up, gather friends, ply them with cocktails, and share an incredible meal.
  8. Speaking of dressing up, if there’s a bit of extra cash leftover after you’ve given your chunk to animal organizations, splurge on a new coat from Vaute Couture, new shoes from Brave GentleMan, or a new Matt & Nat bag. Might as well support vegan companies while you can, yes?
  9. Order one of every single candy and caramel from Obsessive Confection Disorder. Do it.
  10. Say it. There’s definitely someone in your life whom you silently appreciate, and now’s the time to stop the silence. Could be your neighbor who always says hello, your long-suffering mother, or someone you think is too famous/busy/far away to want to hear from little ol’ you. Forget that noise, and make some that sounds like, “Thanks for what you do.”
  11. Send a present to someone who isn’t expecting it. You know what always fits just right? A dozen vegan cinnamon rolls from Cinnaholic, complete with the recipient’s favorite frosting flavors.
  12. If you are a gentleman, have a gent’s day. As we already covered, I’m not a dude, so I really can’t recommend anything too specific here, but I will say that it’s always a good idea to read comic books (pretty much anything by Alan Moore) and/or re-watch all of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  13. Say yes. The friend you have that you’re always just a tad too busy to visit? Accept his or her invitation to drinks and catch up.
  14. Speaking of drinks, find out what your favorite one is. Yes, this will take a lot of research, so pace yourself a bit. Are you a Mojito gal? A Moscow Mule man? A straight-from-the-bottle-the-world-is-ending-do-you-really-think-I-have-time-to-concoct-a-cocktail-right-now whiskey drinker? Find out!
  15. Make the VN Signature Mac ‘n’ Cheese. Now.
  16. Grab a gaggle of friends, find a karaoke bar, and get cozy. Might as well make some memories, right? If the world ends, your potential shame will be short-lived, and if it doesn’t, your friends can remember your on-stage bravery for years to come. Win-win.
  17. Celebrate the holidays—all of them. Decorate the heck out of your home, go nuts with streamers, whip up your favorite latkes to enjoy under a Christmas tree while dressed as your favorite superhero before you shoot off (legal!) fireworks and hunt for dark chocolate bunnies. Repeat the next day, because, why not?
  18. Read a favorite book out loud. The writing of a beloved author is even more magical when actually verbalized.
  19. Get some. (In the immortal words of Monty Python, “Wink, wink. Say no more.”)
  20. Buy yourself a Moleskin 18-month planner (the preferred planner of the VN staff). Fill it with the successes for the next year that you’d have in your absolute wildest dreams. If the planet goes kaput, you’ll have spent some time considering a dream life. If we happen to get a bit more time walking around, work on making those goals reality!
  21. Dance. A lot. With someone you like.
Photo via Angryclownnet.
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