My Love Affair with Squeeze Packs (Even Though I Don’t Have Kids!)

I will never have children. There, I said it. Hate it if you must, but if you knew how poorly I take care of houseplants, you’d agree that I should never be in charge of children. As such, the closest I’m getting to caring for a toddler is connecting with my own inner child, and the best vehicle I’ve found for that is the array of vegan squeeze packs currently on the market. Best known as a quick snack enjoyed by people under the age of 13, squeeze packs have become a staple in my diet, and I’m not ashamed of it. If you disregard that I look like an adult nursing on a brightly-colored pouch, the benefit to consuming squeeze packs is that they take no cleaning, cooking, or chewing to get baby her nutrition. Here are four more reasons why I’m never quitting my new favorite snack.
 
Gym buddy
Exercising on an empty stomach is a bad idea. Exercising in the morning on an empty stomach (for me) is a recipe for disaster. With this in mind, the fastest way to get me going in the a.m. is the promise of a Shine Organics’ Revive pack. With a uniquely tart combination of pear, celery, coconut, lime, green tea, and chia, the entire package has only 70 calories and provides an energy boost to get me through the 20 minutes of cardio that I call a workout.
 
Wedding bliss
Unless you’re at a wonderful vegan wedding, you will likely have dry salad for your main course. Knowing this, I packed a week’s worth of Munk Pack oatmeal squeeze packs into my suitcase for the weekend nuptials I attended recently in Northern California. The packs are filled with ready-to-eat oats (important when there’s no stove in sight) in perfect 120-gram serving sizes in flavors such as Apple Quinoa Cinnamon, Raspberry Coconut, and Blueberry Acai Flax. While they were curious about my veganism, my then-boyfriend and his whole family never really understood what being vegan meant. As such, I crouched in the parking lot of the Motel 6 where I was staying for the entire weekend, getting my nutrition from my packet of vegan salvation.

Dentist be dammed
I was born in the former Soviet Union, a place where dental care was the least of my parents’ concerns. After three decades without flossing and believing that cavities would just go away like teenage acne, I have—as my dad would say in his thick Russian accent—“big problem.” I’ve taken on fixing my teeth, which requires a buffet of procedures and two-hour monthly dates with the dentist. So, once a month, I become a slobbering mess while the novacaine wears off, unable to consume anything that requires chewing. Luckily, Noka squeeze packs—in superfood flavors such as Blueberry Beet and Sweet Potato Goji—ensure that I get my fruits and vegetables without turning into a self-cannibal. Recently funded on Kickstarter, these packs deliver high-caliber nutrients such as calcium, iron, and vitamin C to help heal my throbbing molars.

Those flavors, though!
Similar to many working vegans, I’ve fallen into a food rut more times than I can count. Luckily, squeeze packs do not come in just quinoa, kale, or peanut butter flavors. With varieties such as Shine Organics’ Calm, loaded with banana, pumpkin, coconut, blackberry, vanilla, and passion flower, the slew of interesting and diverse flavors of squeeze packs remind my tastebuds that vegan food isn’t bland—it’s just that I’ve gotten entirely too lazy. I find myself to be most child-like after a bottle of wine, which is when I substitute Mamma Chia’s tart Blackberry Bliss to stop myself from going through an entire box of Oreo cookies.
 
Photo courtesy of Mamma Chia