YouTuber Alizee Yeezy recently penned erotic novella Piers Morgan’s Vegan Lover, which is available for £0.99 ($1.29)—the price of a Greggs vegan sausage roll—on Amazon UK. The novella details a romantic tryst between Good Morning Britain host Piers Morgan and Greggs’ vegan sausage roll. “He was a well-loathed morning TV personality; she was seduction, sin, and plant-based,” the 12-page book description reads. “His pulse raced every time he thought of her, either that or his rage-induced high blood pressure was finally catching up to him. Critics are calling this short story ‘a 21st century Romeo and Juliet, if Shakespeare was on drugs.” The story follows Morgan as he engages in an illicit affair with the vegan snack, at one point detailing a scene where Morgan is found covered in layers of pastry and vegan sausage. Yeezy was prompted to write the story as a spoof of the ongoing feud between Morgan and all things vegan. 

When Greggs launched its vegan sausage roll in January 2019, Morgan took to Twitter to show his dismay, tweeting, “Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns.” The criticism brought positive publicity to the new product, which helped to increase Greggs profits by 58 percent last year—resulting in company-wide bonuses and the development of new vegan products. This month, Greggs expanded its vegan options with a steak bake and glazed doughnuts, which Morgan criticized on Good Morning Britain, this time for its use of “meat” terminology. “It’s not a steak. If you Google steak, a steak is a cut of meat or fish. It’s not vegan or vegetarian,” Morgan fumed. “This is non-meat, and they should not be using meat terminology to sell non-meat products.” Despite Morgan’s best efforts to slow Greggs progress, according to company CEO Roger Whiteside, the chain is planning to release more vegan versions of its most popular options, including chicken-filled pastries. Whether Morgan will be romantically involved with the upcoming vegan chicken bake is undetermined.

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